A Reader Reaches Out

Jessica,
I just read the last few entries in your blog on wordpress and I wanted to thank you for sharing.

I’m in the process of trying to make a life change to start a much healthier lifestyle but I’ve been afraid of failing. Looking at your photos and reading your words has given me more confidence.  It seems that I could have absolutely nothing exciting happening in my life but I always find something to keep me from taking the time to make that leap.

Did writing everything on your blog help give you motivation? Overweight kind of runs in my family and I’m currently in a transition period living with my parents while I look for a new apartment and I’m constantly surrounded by all the carbs and sweets and muck. I had lost weight while I was abroad but I’ve gained every bit of it back since I’ve been home and I’m so frustrated. I’ve tried a diary but it doesn’t work because I can hide it or not update it and nobody reads it because it’s private. My family obviously cares about me, but they don’t worry about my weight or really provide much support for weight loss. And I’m living in BFE where I don’t really have any other support group but my family. Do you think a public blog that all of my friends can read would help? Hmmm… haha.

Regardless, you are so gorgeous! I’m happy for you and all that you have accomplished the past few years. You have inspired me! I’m very grateful that you posted your blog address.

Dear Friend,

Thank you! It’s so great to hear others input on my blog. Believe it or not I get messages like this often and have written kind of a lengthy response. I want EVERYONE to take control and lose weight. It’s one of the best gifts you can ever give yourself.

There is no real rule to motivating yourself to lose weight, it just happens. You have an aha! moment where you’re so disgusted with yourself there’s no stopping you.

Mine happened when I was driving somewhere. Back to Missouri I think. Anyway, my lower fat roll was pressed against my leg and I swear it was only inches from my knee! I was mortified at how fat I had become. I hadn’t weighed myself in years so I didn’t even know how much I weighed. I just knew my clothes were tight and I had to keep buying them bigger and bigger. The next step up was a 26! I hated walking up and down the stairs, I was out of breath, it was even hard to bend over and tie my shoes.

I had no idea how to lose weight at all. I had tried Atkins for a few months in college, dropping 35 pounds, but it was so limiting and so hard to stick with. Then I just decided I’d go to a WW meeting. I weighed in at 276 lbs. While it’s not 300 lbs. it’s pretty damn close and that embarrassed me. I didn’t care if anyone else knew, I did and I was determined to not be any heavier. Ever.

I signed up for a month (prepaid, no refund) so I would have to go the entire time. Afterall, I had invested $40 into it. I was still pretty disgusted with myself, which kept me motivated, but I also thought it was kind of fun. For me, grocery shopping was like going thrifting. I scoured the shelves for low point foods with my little calculator for weeks until eventually I had a good idea of everything. That’s the hardest part. Learning everything. But you lose along the way, which is a plus, and after you get over that hump it’s pretty easy. I also promised myself I wouldn’t quit until I reached my goal of 200 lbs. I always say WHEN I reach my goal, I WILL lose the weight. I never say if. Ever.

I didn’t eat out or go to the bars for probably three months because I wasn’t comfortable making choices. And even when I started to be it wasn’t easy. It’s not easy to pick the healthy item when you want the unhealthy ones your friends are having. But I started thinking of it as my specialty. I knew how bad things were, I was prepared. Even though a chicken wrap with fries might appear healthier than my 4 oz. steak and baked potato, I knew it wasn’t. And I’d gladly share this knowledge with my friends. At a cost, of course. People grew annoyed. Choosing a place was exhausting. Going through the menu was torture. But eventually, you figure it all out. You may not know what’s in a particular menu item, but you know to look for grilled meats, you’re not afraid to ask for items on the side or no oil and you’re scouring the internet for nutritional information. You ask for fresh fruit for dessert and put half your food in a to go box. This is honestly just part of how I eat.

It took me months to finally open up to people at the meeting, but eventually my WW leader Chris and a couple other women, LaDonna and Aimee, became my weight loss buddies. People talked about how there health had improved so I started researching how my weight loss was helping my body. Every time I lost a good chunk of weight, I’d go to the store and pick up that many pounds worth of potatoes. I was constantly reminding myself of how well I was treating my body.

And the weight dropped off. I got selfish, in a good way. I cared about what was going in my body and what I looked like. I bought more expensive groceries that were lower calorie and they were MINE. This was special stuff just for me. I think that’s another thing that has helped me. Every woman likes to be pampered and for years I was awkward about this. I didn’t think I deserved to be pampered because I was eating so bad and I was getting fatter and my clothes looked bad and boys didn’t like me. Hell I didn’t like me. I went to work, then home. I avoided people. I was unhappy. But then I started my get healthy journey and felt so much better, physically and emotionally. I pampered myself more because hell yes, I deserved it. I’m proud to be a woman. I’m happy to be a little diva-like. I like to look good. I work hard (both physically and financially) and I don’t feel so guilty about rewarding myself. I deserve it. I know that now.

I also started buying clothes to fit my new figure. Celebrating my success. This is when I started to blog. I wanted to hold myself accountable for this journey so I wouldn’t lose my focus. I was reveling in my success but I still had a goal. By sharing it with the world, including close friends and family, I had nothing to hide. People understood. People were motivated. And that’s what has kept me motivated. You, my dear, keep me motivated. People telling me how proud they are or how good I look. That motivates me. My doctor telling me I’m healthy as a horse and my ability to be more active. That’s what motivates me.

I got past that first big step of learning how to do it, now I’m just learning how to stick with it and educating others so there lives can be changed too. While you educate others, it will also motivate you and refresh your mind. I’m much happier now. I feel better, I look better and my weight loss success has a domino effect on the rest of my life. I’ve taken classes, tutored ESL, bought a bike…things I have always wanted to do but never did. I wasn’t confident because I was always hindered by my low self-esteem.

I really think the WW plan is the way to go. It forces you to basically teach yourself. You have to measure out a cup and eventually you’ll see what a one cup serving is. And your body will be used to the smaller portions. You’ll make better choices because you know you’re feeding your body, not your mouth. You’ll choose low fat, healthier foods because they have water and fiber and nutrients that fill you up longer. You’ll still be able to eat chocolate cake, and cookies and everything you want, but in moderation. And if you do go overboard, the beauty is you haven’t ruined anything. You just start the next day better.

I’m not going to lie to you and say I didn’t feel hungry from time to time. Especially in the beginning when I was used to eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. That will get better. You’ll realize more often than not that you’re really not hungry, you just want that cookie or piece of cake or chunk of cheese. You’ll learn that you can drink something that’s calorie free or eat some fruit that curbs the hunger and saves you until it’s time to really eat a meal. After you accomplish this over and over, you’ll feel pretty good about yourself. You’ll see the control you have over what you eat and that feels powerful.

Weight Watchers has changed my life. Now I know how to eat, what to eat. My relationship with food is completely different. I try different foods, I prepare new recipes, healthy food is super good! I even crave fruits and veggies now. I also know when I’m overdoing it and I think about it when I’m consciously screwing up. But I never let myself give up. You will struggle with food choices forever, everyone does. But with these skills you’ll know how to take control and be in control.

WW’s takes over your mind and truly becomes a lifestyle. You notice yourself eating healthier most of the time so you can splurge when you really want to. I don’t track what I eat as religiously as I used to but it’s absolutely vital for someone starting their journey to do. Write down everything that goes in your mouth and figure out how ‘expensive’ it is. I can do it mentally now. I keep track and when it comes time to eat, I can reflect on what I’ve already had, what my plans are for the rest of the day and then make a decision of whether I should grab something light or if I should have a meal. As my dad would say, you start “eating like skinny people.” Don’t get me wrong, though, I still track. Especially on days when I want to eat everything. Even if I know I’m going to go overboard, I can at least see how bad I’m eating. And sometimes it’ll help me stop, right there, middle of the day, after I’ve blown it bad. I stop, think about it, refocus, tell myself it’s going to be ok and move on.

I still have 25 lbs. to go before I reach my goal and I know I can and will do it. I don’t know how long it will take, I don’t know how far I will go, but I do know that I have the knowledge and the ability to lose or maintain my weight. Forever. I don’t have that excuse anymore. I’ve completed the courses. Now it’s up to me. And like I said, the success I’ve had with losing weight has helped me succeed in every area of my life. I’m proud of myself, I care about myself and I’ll never go back to miserable.

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